Interfaith Couples

Today what was unthinkable a generation ago has become the norm. The percentage of Jewish/Gentile marriages has passed 50%. This condition has caused deep philosophical and religious questions that are often left unanswered until after the marriage has produced children. How shall they be raised? In some cases this quandary is resolved by one or the other “converting” to either Judaism or Christianity. If the party that converts is sincere this can work. If done as a matter of expediency, however, this “compromise” can result in deep resentment or feelings of betrayal. In many more cases, since religion does not play a great role in either of the partners, there is a synthesis of the Jewish and Gentile cultures. As an example, one might hang draidels on a Christmas tree or serve a bacon and bagel sandwich. These are not very satisfying solutions.

As Messianic Jews, we contend that there is a basic flaw in this kind of reasoning. As Jews who have accepted Yeshua (Jesus) as the Jewish Messiah, we recognize that a belief in Him does not exclude one from being Jewish. In fact, the entire concept of a messiah was primarily and essentially “Jewish”, and from that primary cultural expression it was spread all over the world.

JOINED TOGETHER—AN INVITATION

At Roeh Israel we are dedicated to helping interfaith couples come to realize that Yeshua is the fulfillment of both the Jewish and Christian faiths in God. In addition, and perhaps more importantly, the children of such marriages come to a wonderful sense of fulfillment and comfort in their faith. Come and learn just how much each of you have in common and the blessing and power of sharing that faith with your children.

To facilitate this end we have developed a series of classes that address many of these issues as well as leaving time for personal discussion. Here you will find a unity with one another that is not based upon “compromise,” but rather “commonality.”

We invite you to contact Burt Yellin or Bill Berg at (303) 337-6254 if you desire to know more about the God who first spoke of the marriage of the Jew and Gentile. Hope to hear from you soon.

If you are looking for more information on the state of interfaith marriages click the link to “Good News for Inter-faith families” under the “ministries” link.

JEWISH ATTITUDES ABOUT INTERMARRIAGE

According to the American Jewish Committee’s 2000 Survey of American Jewish Opinion, which polled more than 1000 Jewish people in a phone survey, 78% of respondents said they favor rabbinic officiation at Jewish-Gentile marriages “in some form and under some circumstances,” with only 15% opposed.

84% of the orthodox Jewish people surveyed said they would be pained if their child intermarried, compared with 57% of Conservative Jews, 27% of Reform Jews and 19% of those who said they are “just Jewish.”

There is widespread agreement among the branches of Judaism that somehow, intermarried couples should be “embraced” by the Jewish community. But there is no clear agreement about how to go about this.

LEADERS AND FOLLOWERS

A mail survey of over two thousand respondents published in a report sponsored by the Jewish Outreach Institute illustrates these divisions. According to their data, about 75% of the respondents said that a Jewish man or woman in their thirties should go ahead and marry a Gentile if the couple was in love. However, 90% hastened to add that it would be preferable if the Gentile spouse were to convert to Judaism.

The deep split between Jewish leaders and Judaism’s adherents is revealed over the issue of rabbis officiating at mixed marriages. Over 70% of the Conservative Jews surveyed would like their rabbis to officiate at mixed marriages. However, less than 5% of conservative rabbis are willing to do so.

Reform Jews, who are more liberal, show a different trend. 40% of Reform rabbis are willing to perform mixed marriages, but that number drops to less than 15% when the couple will not commit to raising the children as Jews.

Not surprisingly, the Orthodox are stricter. Over 90% will not perform mixed marriages and not one surveyed would perform such a marriage without a commitment to raising the children as Jews.

THE JEWISH PEOPLE

The profile of the Jewish people has changed so much in the past twenty years that you can toss out just about every preconception you might have about their attitudes and their mindset - especially those in interfaith marriages. In an article posted on the interfaithfamily.com web site, Julie Wiener, writing for the Jewish Telegraphic Agency, cites these eye-popping statistics:

There are approximately 5.5 million American adults who are either Jewish by religion or of Jewish parentage and/or upbringing, the same number found in 1990. Among adults of Jewish parentage and/or upbringing, nearly 1.4 million say they are members of a non-Jewish religion or profess a different religion. That number has more than doubled since 1990, a change researchers attribute to the “coming of age of the children of intermarried families and the unfolding religious decisions of interfaith couples.”

According to the Jewish Federation’s National Jewish Population Survey, in 1965 only 10% of Jewish people married outside their faith. However, between 1985 and 1990, over 50% of marriages among Jews were with non-Jewish spouses. Although more recent statistics are not officially available, this trend is thought to be increasing.

This dramatic shift has produced nothing less than a cultural and religious crisis. It has created conflict not only within the families that are dealing with these issues, but also the leadership of the various traditions within Judaism itself.

THE CHALLENGES

Christmas or Chanukah? Passover or Easter? The holidays are often anything but festive in an interfaith home. The latent guilt over “abandoning one’s upbringing” frequently casts a pall over what ought to be a time of warm remembrance and family fellowship. Even with the best of intentions, it can be frustrating trying to figure out whose family to visit on which years for what occasion. Children are often confused about the traditions and their meanings which is Jewish? Which is Christian? Religious holidays are often little more than public reminders of a constant state of confusion.

HERE COME THE IN-LAWS

Even in the best of circumstances, the in-law issue can be a thorny on. Today’s young Jewish and Gentile intermarried couples may think they are living in a “hate-free zone,” but their respective parents may not have gotten the news yet. And the grandparents still remember the days when cultural distinctions really did make a difference. Many will make a dutiful effort to build family feeling, but it is often an uphill battle. The fact is making the best of a situation is a long way from celebrating a marriage that, deep down, the parents would not have chosen for their children.

BRIT OR BAPTISM?

Mommy, Daddy—what are we?

If the parents of an interfaith married couple have some difficulties, they are nothing compared to the difficulties the children will face. From the moment the interfaith couple has to choose between ritual circumcision and infant baptism (or dedication), the stress of living in a mixed marriage will be visited upon their children—and will continue throughout childhood and beyond. The holidays are merely the tip of the iceberg. The normal questioning process all children undergo about God and personal identity will be compounded by the lack of mooring in a single religious tradition. When the parents themselves are confused, how can the children be anything but insecure?

TIMES OF TROUBLE—WHERE TO TURN

One of the saddest facts of modern American life is the high rate of divorce. One important reason is lack of support for couples. Extended families are mostly a thing of the past in our highly mobile culture. So is the fabric of our neighborhoods and communities. It is no coincidence that the divorce rate among the stricter sects of Judaism is miniscule when compared to the general population. Common beliefs coupled with strong community ties do make a difference. These two factors are precisely what most intermarried couples lack, and thus they are particularly at risk. Whether they know it or not, intermarried couples need the loving support of a fellowship of faith

COMMON VALUES

A strong marriage consists of a multitude of seemingly small strengths that are joined together to make something which is stronger than the sum of its parts. The Book of Ecclesiastes reminds us, “a threefold cord is not quickly broken”. Each strand adds to the strength of the others and the three together are far stronger than they would be if they were to stand alone. Common ground, a shared viewpoint and values that are in keeping with unity and peace in the home are what bind marriage partners together.

JOINED TOGETHER—AN INVITATION

Roeh Israel is dedicated to helping interfaith couples find peace in their faith. To facilitate this end we have developed a series of classes that address many of these issues as well as leaving time for personal discussion. Come and learn just how much each of your faiths have in common with one another and the blessing and power of sharing that same faith with your children. Here you will find a unity with one another that is not based upon “compromise,” but rather “commonality.”